When the negative voices challenge you
Believing them is a choice
I told myself I was writing for me.
When I hit send on my last post, I saw that I had a handful of subscribers and that they would be sent my post directly.
I wondered, how many would think, “Well she’s come back to life, what does she have to say?”.
And then I wondered, how many of them would be annoyed if I posted something daily. Imagine getting those email notifications - “You have a new email from Akshaya” - everyday in your inbox. “Like, what does she even have to say that I care about?”
So I retreated, like I do when I feel vulnerable and unsafe.
I questioned my reasoning behind restarting my substack. I wondered if I would be able to keep up after over a year of not really writing.
And then it hit me - Just share it all.
Share the fears, the pain, the insecurities, the ambition, the creative freedom.
I don’t think I’ve given myself permission to be so free before.
I started exploring freedom through creativity a couple of months ago when i picked up my watercolors and just started to paint anything my heart desired.
I painted portraits, landscapes, butterflies, houses. Some were awful, most were pretty good, and I noticed that I definitely have a style of my own.
I’ve been doing the same with pottery for over three years, and only now do I feel a sense of style developing.
So why not do the same with writing?
I don’t have to follow rules, or specific writing and posting protocol. The rules have always held me back and made me less authentic.
So I’ll write. I’ll write posts, share notes, and pictures, and put my creativity out there in any way that it wants to be shared.
I’m not just a writer, or a potter, or a painter, or a mom, or a life coach, or an animal lover… I’m a creative being whose main purpose is to create.
And if you’re reading this, I bet yours is too.
Bye!
Akshaya
