I'm Celebrating Hope!
I have something special to celebrate - hope.
It seems small but hope is our guiding light for the future.
Let me turn back time to a year ago, January 2020. I began the year with one message in my mind, “Enough of this shit!”.
This was my proclamation to the universe to signal that I was ready to let go of the thoughts and habits that held me back for most of my life.
I was done playing small, I was ready to step out of my comfort zone and launch my business properly.
In March, just a couple of days after my 40th birthday, I signed a lease for a beautiful office space in Austin, signed up to work with an amazing business coach, and I checked all the boxes so to speak.
A week later, lockdown.
Although the COVID pandemic had been taking hold of the rest of the world, it caught up to us here in Austin just before Spring Break. Schools shut down, and I began what would be a tiresome and relentless journey in virtual schooling my children.
I tried to keep my hopes up those first few months - I worked with my kids during the day, showed up to all my business coaching sessions, and learned a lot. But one thing remained the same - my mindset.
I was so exhausted, worn down, and drained from supporting my children for most of the day that I simply did not have the time, space, or energy to devote to stepping into my desired role as a business owner.
In July, my mum passed away from a battle with cancer, and thankfully I recognized that I needed to give myself the space to grieve. So I pressed the pause button on my business journey.
Every so often I felt ashamed that I wasn’t moving forward in my business goals. But when I finally surrendered to what the universe was laying in front of me, the magic began to happen.
I learned how much my kids needed my support, especially my oldest son who was diagnosed with ADHD last year. I learned what his needs were, tried to keep up with them, and sought out help from teachers and tutors when I simply didn’t have the skills to support him.
I learned that grief is not linear - the first 6 months after my mum passed were the hardest. Every morning I would reach for the phone to call her as I normally would, but then the sadness would take over when I recalled that I couldn’t call her anymore. I allowed myself to feel everything that came up, cried when I needed to, and talked about her to my kids, husband, and friends to keep her memory alive.
I opened up to love and love rained on me from every corner. Friends cooked for me, sent me plants, flowers, and cards. Even my mum’s friends kept in touch and filled me in on childhood stories, as they fondly remembered her.
It was such a blessing to surrender because it led me down the path of deep healing.
The desire to heal from my past led me to a program called the Mind Rebel method. For 12 weeks I participated in exercises designed to recognize the root of my fears and learned how to act from love instead of fear.
My amazing life coach mentor, reminded us each week that we were whole, capable, resourceful, and creative. She held us so safe and taught us to do the same for our clients.
And now, I embrace the next best version of myself as I proclaim to the universe once again that, “I am ready to embrace this new version of myself and honor my journey as a Holistic Wellness Coach”.
It just so happens that the universe supports me on this journey - just a few days after we decided to send our kids back to school, my husband and I were able to get our COVID vaccines.
We already knew that sending them back to school was the best choice for our boys and for us too. Our decision was rooted in love and getting the vaccine was the cherry on top.
I’m ready to cut the cord that kept me safe and fearful for so long. The one that tied me to being a stay-at-home mom (and teaching on the side) for the last 9 years. As beautiful and blessed as I am to have had the opportunity to stay home with my kids and give them the love and attention they needed, it’s safe to stay that I choose to hold them whole, capable, resourceful, and creative as I step into my new role as a working mom.
No shame, no guilt, no fear.
I’m choosing love, hope, and compassion as my guides and I choose to align myself with the thoughts, actions, and habits that support my journey as a Holistic Wellness Coach, while also being a loving wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend.
As I carry on, I hold the words of my mentor dear to my heart, “Life wants for you what you want for you”.
Believe it.
Much love,
Akshaya
